wow, i really missed blogging... antoxic ng fourth year... ayoko na...
i've been through a lot these past few days.... acads, time, health.... at friends....
syempre pinaka nakabother sakin yung acads and friends... basta next time ko na lang ikukwento... basta sa mga friends ko, "i missed you guys."
snow fairy at 4:18:00 PM
"Whenever i watched romantic movies, see couples kiss and make up. i smile because i know that even if love doens't work for me at least it works for otthers." - Ally Mcbeal
I'm not sure kung tma yung pagkakatanda ko ng sinabi dun sa plabas pero kung hindiman, basta ganyan yung sense nung sinabi. Well, sa situation ko right now, masasabi ko n hindi ako inlove pero inlove ako sa feeling ng inlove. haha, ang gulo, di ko rin maintindihan. Gusto ko yung feeling na inlove ako pero ayoko din kasiparang hindi ko pa kaya. Hindi ko alam kung dahil hindi pa sya dumarating o may hinihintay lang tlga ako. Pero natutuwa ako samga taong inlove, msaya ako for them yun nga lang pagnakakakita ako ng sobrang sweet na couple naiiyak ako. Ewan ko pero basta nalulungkot ako. Kahit pag nanonood ako ng palabas tapos sobra akong kinikilig sa scenes bigla na lang akong naluluha. Magkahalong tuwa at saya ang nararamdaman ko tapos naiisip ko kung kelan ko kaya ulit mararamdaman ang mainlove. Pero pagnaisip ko naman yun, biglang parang hindi ko pa kaya at kuntento ako sa buhay ko. Ang gulo... pero isa lang ang malinaw at laging sagot ng isip ko, kahit kelan at kahit anong sitwasyon basta sya ang makakasama ko, kakayanin ko... handa na ulit ako...
snow fairy at 9:49:00 AM
hay... nmis ko tlga mgblog... Andming ngyari sa buhay ko kya nmn hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko... Mdyo hindi n ko mdrama ngyon, tpos n ko sa stage n yun eh, hehe. Narealizer ko lang n bt ko hahayaang patuloy akong saktan ng taong yon... Nsa akin n rin kng pano ko ppsayahin ang sarili ko, hahaha. Kasi bgla kong naisip na sinasadya nung "bitter" na taong yon ang lht ng gngwa nya pra saktan ako. Bad trip kc parang msya p sya pag nsasaktan ako. Sabagay, naiintindihan ko naman kung bkit sya gnon, ksi naman "feeling" sya. Feeling nya im not over him yet, hahaha. Sorry sya dhil ngyon sobrang wla na akong pkelam sa kanya. Msya na ako sa buhay ko at nver kong ppyagan n guluhin p nya ulit ako!!!
(Parang npkabitter ko sa mga ngyari no? wla lang, wla n nmn tlg skin yon, inishare ko lng)
snow fairy at 6:50:00 PM
"hindi pla kmatayan ang pinakamalayong distansya sa mundo kundi yung nandyan lang sya pero hindi ka naman nya kilala o hindi nya lam n nandyan ka" - snow angel
wla lng, nalungkot lng ako ng nrinig ko 'to. kasi nung medyo mas bata pa ako, lagi ko lng naiisip yung "so near yet so far." di ba medyo kapareho sya nung quote? nakakalungkot nmn kasi tlga n ang lapit mo sa taong mhal mo, araw arw kyong mgksma, araw arw mo syang iniisip at inaalala, lgi ka sa tabi nya, ksama sa saya at lungkot at sa lahat ng importanteng events sa buhay nya pero hindi nmn nya lam na nandyan ka... na pra bng wla k lang tlga... na khit mwla ka, wlang mbabago o mbabawas sa buhay nya... msakit di ba? pero may mga gnon tlgang pagkakataon... minsan mas mabuti pang malayo(literal) n lang sayo ang taong yon, kasi khit pano, di msyadong nskit isipin at khit pano nabibigyan mo ng konting ksyahan ang sarili mo na, kaya hindi pwede kasi malayo... oo, pinapaasa mo ang sarili mo sa isang bgay na hindi totoo, pero minsan ksi ms mbuti na rin ang gnon pra nmn mging msya k khit minsn lang.. kesa namanlagi k na lng mlungkot kasi alm mo tlga kung ano ka lang b tlga sa buhay nya... minsn din ksi khit alm mo na, msakit p rin yung paulit ulit n ipapamukha syo n wla nmn tlga...
snow fairy at 6:33:00 PM
I have always thought that I know what letting go means… well, maybe literally; yes I know what it means but then, is there really such thing as letting go? What processes are involved in letting go? How can you say that you are able to let go of someone completely? When is the time that you should let go?
Before, I used to think that I know exactly how to let go… I used to tell my friends that I was able to let go of “that someone” who’s really dear to me… It was just last nov. 20 that I’m able to really contemplate bout it when Lors asked me “meron bang letting go?” The answer that instantly came to my mind is “yes, there is” but when I really thought bout it, parang wala nga yata. Then I answered, “there is no such thing as letting go, you just learn to forget.” From what I’ve experienced, you don’t really let go coz how can you let go of the things that you considered precious… whenever we are recalling all the times and the memories we had with someone, doesn’t that show that we are still holding on? Why recall everything if you’ve let go of them? Aren’t we just pretending whenever we say that we are already able to let go of someone so that we won’t look like fools to still hold on to someone who’s already gone… who already have someone while we’re still alone wondering “what might have been.” As what Lors said, “you don’t really let go, you just learn to live without that person.” And I really think she’s right coz if I were to be really honest to myself, I could say that until now I’m still not able to let go of that someone… there’s a part of me that’s still holding on and hoping that I can still get my happy ending… but then, I don’t live in fairy tales, I know that everything was over, I’ve learned to accept the fact that it was really over no matter if I’m already able to let go or not… it doesn’t really matter coz he already have his own life and I should have mine…
snow fairy at 6:17:00 PM
kmusta ka na po? wla lng, naalala lng kita at ngpaparamdam lang ako, kasi nmn pag naghintay ako na ako ang maalala mo, bka hindi na yon mngyari... wla lng nmn tlga akong sasabihin.. nmimiss lang kita, yung time na mgkasama tyo, yung nag-uusap tyo, yung ok tyo. Sana kasi andito ka kaya lang mas mbuti na rin siguro na wla ka ksi khit pano nakakalimutan ko na mhl pla kita... ayoko na ksing mramdaman na mhal kita.. matagal ko ng sinubukan kalimutan ka pero hanggang ngyon hindi ko pa rin ngagawa.. mas pilitin ko ang sarili ko, mas nararamdaman ko na mhirap kang kalimutan, mahirap kng hindi mhalin... naiinis na nga ako sa'yo kasi lagi mo na lang akong sinasaktan... pero naisip ko hindi mo nmn kasalanan kasi hindi mo nga pla alm... manhid ka nga pla! pero minsan feeling ko alam mo nmn tlga pero pinipili mo na lang hindi pansinin... hindi ko nga lam kung matutuwa ako kasi ginagwa mo yon, siguro nga msaya na "nagmamanhid-manhiran" ka ksi hindi ko alam ang ggwin ko pg alm ko na alm mo na ang nararamdaman ko pra sa'yo pero naiinis din nmn ako kasi feeling ko ang manhid mo, kwento k p ng kwento tungkol sa kng anu-ano at hindi mo mn lang naisip na nasasaktan mo ako.. ang gulo ko no? hindi ko na rin maintindihan ang sarili ko, mula ng mahalin kita, hindi ko na maipaliwanag yung nararamdaman ko...
nga pla, may isang bagay akong ikinakainis tlga sa'yo. lam mo kung ano yun? naiinis tlaga ako kasi namn kpg "medyo" nakakalimutan na kita bgla kang mgpaparamdam. Ang galing tlaga ng timing, hanga ako sa'yo! parang alam mo kung kelan mlapit na akong bumitiw bgla kang drting kaya ayon, kakapit na nmn ako... Hindi mo ba gusto na makamove on ako? Hindi ka ba naaawa sa akin? gusto mo ba tlgang lagi akong nasasaktan?
Sorry po ah? hindi naman ako nanunumbat, gusto ko lang na mlaman mo yung mga bgay na mtgal ko ng gustong sabihin sa'yo...
snow fairy at 7:00:00 PM
snow fairy at 6:25:00 PM
may class kami sa soc sci 2 knina. nagdiscuss yung prof nmin bout plato's idea of human nature and elements of the soul... sa elements ng soul, we have the appetite, courage and reason... And to be a ruler, you have to have reason... nagtanong yung prof kung IQ lang daw b ang mhlga to become a ruler, syempre hindi... kelangan din ng EQ... (intro lang yon). And there are two ways to tell kung mataas ang EQ ng isang tao. First is that if you are able to stand for what you believe is right and the second is that if you are able to let go of the things that are not meant for you... yung una prang ok, feeling ko pasado ako don pero don sa pangalawa, don ako biglang napaisip... naisip ko ksi, mababa kaya ang Eq ko kasi hanggang ngyon nahihirapan akong mglet go ang isang tao kahit na alm ko na hindi tlga para sa akin. Sobrang mtgal ko na sinubukan pero hindi ko pa rin mgawa... Minsan nga kahit alam ko ang tma at dapat gawin, hindi ko mgawa dahil sa knya... At dhil din don, naisip ko bka mbaba din ang IQ ko ksi khit alam ko ang tma hindi ko sinusunod, hindi ko kyang pangatawanan... Ibig kyang sabihin nito tanga ako? isipin mo naman kasi, wala ng IQ, wla pa ring EQ... kawawa nman ako... Pero isang bgay lang nmn tlga ang nkakapagpatanga sa'kin, yun ay ang nararamdaman ko pra sa kanya...
snow fairy at 5:05:00 PM
minsan sobrang nakakainis... kasi namn kung kelan handang handa ka ng lumimot at ituloy ang buhay mo ng mag-isa, saka sya babalik, magpaparamdam, mangugulo... guguluhin na naman nya ang mundo mo... sa totoo lng paulit ulit naman nyang ginagawa yon pero hindi ka pa nasanay....
isang araw naglalakad kang magisa tapos biglang may tumawag syo, nakita mo sya, lumapit sya tapos sinabi nya sayo na "ui pwede ba sabay tyo?" ikaw naman masaya kasi may ksabay ka na. habang nglalakad nag-uusap kyo, nagbibiruan. Ansaya saya nyo, tpos biglang may tumawag sa kanya, kinausap sya... Humarap sya syo at sinabing "sandli lng 'to ha? ok lang?" syempre kahit hindi ok sasabihin mo na ok lang... maghihintay ka hanggang sa matapos sila sa pag-uusap kaya lang antagal tlga. bigla kinausap ka nya, akala mo tpos na sila mag-usap pero ang bigla nyang sinabi syo "pasensya na, una ka na siguro, baka mtgalan kasi. importante lang tlga 'to." ikw nmn khit gusto na umiyak, sige kunwari ok lang... aalis ka at maglalakad mag-isa. Sa umpisa mlungkot ka kya lang nung medyo na-enjoy mo na ang pag-iisa mo biglang may tumawag syo... Aba at ayan na pala sya at tinatawag ka... matutuwa ka kasi akala mo ok na ang lhat... so magkasabay na nmn kyo ng biglang sabihin nya na may kailangan pla syang gawin kaya maiiwan ka muna nya... pang ilang beses nya na rin nmn ginagawa yon syo di ba? kaya dapat masnay ka na... Mlungkot pero dpt hindi ka na umasa na msasabayan ka nya... gnon lang sya tlga, dumarating pag handa k ng kalimutan sya... Ang galing ng timing, tipong ayaw nya na makamove on ka... At ngayon narealize mo na titigil ka na tlga. na hindi ka na aasa, na hindi ka na maghihintay kaya lang bigla ulit syang nagpakita... At ikaw, parang tanga na mahuhulog na nmn sa knya... hindi ka na nadala di ba? alam mo naman n lgi lng naman wlang patutunguhan yung mga simula... Dapat kasi sa susunod na makita mo sya, ikaw na ang kusang lumayo, kasi for sure pag hinayaan mo syang makalapit sa'yo, paulit ulit mo lang gagawin ang mga katangahang ginagawa mo...
snow fairy at 1:29:00 PM
In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away. Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact. Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, theymight not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life. If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that ALMOST got away."
(nabasa ko lang yan - ang galing. la lang, medyo nakakarelate ako)
snow fairy at 1:25:00 PM